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DISCLAIMER: All stories featured are 100% fabricated using the best fabric softener available for $1.50. If you take anything written here seriously, you're officially dumber than the person coming up with them.


LATEST HEADLIES



6-Year-Old Children Still Coping With Shocking Realization That Ron Paul Isn't Real

Ann Coulter Whips it Out, Declares Hers is Bigger Than Obama's

13-Year-Old Daughter of Trillionaire Business Tycoon Kidnaps Herself, Currently Holding Herself for Ransome

Famous Pop Singer Comes Out of Closet to the Shock of Absolutely Nobody

Antonio "Minotouro" Nogueira Defeats Rashad Evans, Becomes New Undisputed Champion of Pattycake

Governor Sam Brownback Declares War on the State of Kansas

Scientists Baffled By the Discovery of the Ocean NOT Having Unlimitted Fish

Obama Reveals Plan to Combat Iran: Recrute a Team of Teenagers with Attitude!


HEADLIES FROM 2012



Derkaderkastani Dictator Unable to Comprehend Satire, Believes Hulk Hogan Actually Will Ride Into His Land On Magical Unicorn to Rape Him After Reading Idiot News Network Article

Mitt Romney Confesses to Sabotaging His Own Presidential Campaign

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Reaches Landmark Agreement With Colony of Obnoxious Oompa-Loompas

Ghost of Steve Jobbs Sues Every Dr. Light Capsule in Existance for Plagiarizing His Designs

Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan Convinces Millions of Rage Against the Machine Fans to Take Up Serj Tankian Fandom Instead

The Eric Andre Show Declared "The Funniest Thing Since The Black Death"

World Wrestling Entertainment Appologizes For Unwarranted Use of Stephanie McMahon On Their Audience

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Responds to Latest U.N. Sanctions By Mooning Them

$975,000 of Research Determines Lions Hate Being Poked With Sticks

Intensive Surgery Reveals that Al Gore is Actually Human-Sized Puppet Operated By Super Intelligent House Cat

Marvel's The Avengers Film Surpasses Sexual Intercourse as Leading Cause of Orgasms

Identity of Jigoku Shojo Discovered to be Mara Wilson

Republican Party Forfeits 2012 Election After Realizing Mitt Romney is the Best They Could Come Up With

FlashBack Virus Responsible for Reducing Level of Apple Related Smug Out Put

Michael Bay Arrested for Crimes Against Film Making

Rush Limbaugh Ceases His War on the Female Gender

Keanu Reeves Takes up Stand Up Comedy, Goes on Tour as Jeff Dunham's Latest Ventrilloquist Dummy

Jersey Shore Cast Revealed to be Wandering Troop of Oompa-Loompas

Idiot News Network Staff Misunderstand SOPA Protests and Cover Office Computer Monitors with Whiteout

Ron Paul Confesses to Crippling Yu-Gi-Oh Obsession


HEADLIES FROM 2011



G8 Challenges NATO to a Fight on the Playground After School

New Incurable Brain Disease Named After Seth MacFarlane

Brock Lesner VS Brock Lesner Set for Next UFC Event

American Football Player Peytin Manning Tests Positive for Gamma Radiation

HUMAN CENTiPAD v2 Prototype Stolen By Random Fucktard After it was Left at a Random Bar

Aging Metal Band Declared Sellouts for Getting a Haircut

Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and Justin Beber Proud to Become World's First Ever "Popstar Centipede"

Joe Biden Stuffed Into Cardboard Box and Shipped Off to Abudabi

Christina Aguilera Put On Trial For the Vicious Murder of the American National Anthem.

Britney Spears Still Unaware Her Fifteen Minutes of Fame Ended Years Ago

Lebron James of The Miami Heat Quits Basketball in Order to Become WWE's Next Breakout Diva

Apple Insists Tracking Software is for Their Customers' Own Good

Mixed Martial Artist Lyoto Machida Proclaimed to be "The Dragon Reborn"