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DISCLAIMER: All stories featured are 100% fabricated using the best fabric softener available for $1.50. If you take anything written here seriously, you're officially dumber than the person coming up with them.
Willy Wonka Found Guilty of the Murders of Four Kids in His Chocolate Factory
Drone Strikes On ISIS Go Horribly Wrong After Drones Obtain Sentience
Obama Salutes Soldier. Republicans Cry Scandal.
Ancient Cleveland Prophecy of Basketball God's Glorious Second Coming May Come True!
Recent Killer Tomato Outbreak Blamed on Monsanto
Hundreds of Alien Races Declare They're Boycotting Earth After Pope Francis Threatens them with Baptism
Chris Brown Arrested at Local Circus After Raping a Clown '
State of Oklahoma Throws Hissy Fit Over Science Documentary's Distinct Lack of Jesus
Lead Singer of Pussy Riot Arrested for Sneezing in Public
Dick Chainie Criticizes Barack Obama for Having a Shred of Humanity
SCANDAL EXPOSED! Tour Bus Promises Wonderful Family Vacation, Takes Unsuspecting Families to Branson, Missouri Instead
Wrestlemania30's Main Event Revealed: John Cena VS Jesus Christ
Survey Shows People in 2013 Have No Idea Who to Vote for in 2016 Presidential Election
HEADLIES FROM 2013
Catholic Congregation Horrified to Find Their New Pope is a Tollerant, Rationally Thinking Individual
Governor Chris Christie Responds to Questions of Running For President in 2016 With Fits of Uncontrollable Laughter
Senator Ted Cruz Quits Politics in Order to Become World's Greatest Spelunker
New Rules of Devil Worship Proclaim Lucifer Can Only Be "Syncro-Summoned"
UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT SHUTS DOWN!!! Kinda. A bit.
Miley Cyrus Continues Her Epic Quest for Pants
Ben Affleck Cast as Batman, Entire Nerd Community Insists that it's the End of Days
Republicans Insist Barack Obama Possesses Millenium Rod, Explaining Why Nobody Takes Them Seriously Anymore
British Couple Have a Baby, Entire Fucking World Shuts Down to See What They Name it or Something
Obama Walks His Dog, Republicans Cry Scandal
NSA Refuses to Collect Information on Idiot News Network, Fearing tupidity is Contageous
Tom Alvin Declares Marijuana Should Be 100% Illegal For Everybody Except Him
6-Year-Old Children Still Coping With Shocking Realization That Ron Paul Isn't Real
Ann Coulter Whips it Out, Declares Hers is Bigger Than Obama's
13-Year-Old Daughter of Trillionaire Business Tycoon Kidnaps Herself, Currently Holding Herself for Ransome
Famous Pop Singer Comes Out of Closet to the Shock of Absolutely Nobody
Antonio "Minotouro" Nogueira Defeats Rashad Evans, Becomes New Undisputed Champion of Pattycake
Governor Sam Brownback Declares War on the State of Kansas
Scientists Baffled By the Discovery of the Ocean NOT Having Unlimitted Fish
Obama Reveals Plan to Combat Iran: Recrute a Team of Teenagers with Attitude!
CLICK HERE FOR HEADLIES FROM 2011-2012
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